I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
