it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
