just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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