There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
