I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
