I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
