If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
