You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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