They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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