I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
