By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
