We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
