don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
