I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize