Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
