Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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