did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
