What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
