so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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