im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why didn't you poke me back
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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