For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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