Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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