Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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