3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
