Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
