I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he thought i was a dude.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
