She announced her abortion via fbk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
