Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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