we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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