I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize