I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
whose parrot is this?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
