Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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