I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
