How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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