3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
