She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
