Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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