just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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