It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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