So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
