I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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