Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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