im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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