I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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