I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
