Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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