Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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