Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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