I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
