I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
