Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
