you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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