what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
