Already got asked if we're dating
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
