Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
