Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
