i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
