Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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