I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
