Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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