I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
