I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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