This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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