If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
