So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
