She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think a kid would responsible me up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
