she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
